The Cider Diaries-6/1/09
Firstly, a couple of corrections. Emma is a bit upset about a couple of things I've written in this blog and I want to make sure I keep her onside so that Fog is still allowed to come out and play with me. Firstly, she has objected to my description of her as, "Emma, Fog's girlfriend". Apparently the agreed and accepted term to use for her is Fog's live in lover. So sorry for that Emma, live in lover it will be from now on.
Secondly, Emma was miffed that I credited Fog with the word, 'Pider,' as an abbreviation for pear cider. "He wouldn't even know that word if it wasn't for me. He only learned it earlier that same day when I told him." Personally, I don't think it's a good enough word to bother fighting over the credit but I'm happy to correct myself and say that Fog didn't come up with the word, he learned it from Emma. Now, back to the cider...
I was on my way home from work and on my way to Fog's house for more cider drinking when I was struck by a dilemma. Fog had told me that he had picked up two different ciders in Sainsburys. Two ciders would be plenty to keep our ratio up and I hadn't bothered with getting hold of any myself. Then I remembered the fuss I made about Fog not getting any new ciders in only a few days ago. That had led to the regrettable White Star drinking.
It seemed like a good idea to make sure I didn't give Fog an excuse to make me drink something awful. So I really did think I should pick up a cider of some description. On the other hand, I didn't have a whole lot of money in my pockets and I wanted to keep enough back to buy something to eat later on.
Then I passed Lidl and remembered something that Psychics Dave had told me the day before. Lidl do a cider called Woodgate Dry that costs just £1.75 for two litres. What a stroke of luck, this cider was ideal for my purposes. Plus, at that price it would surely be the best value cider by volume that we could possibly find, maybe for the entire challenge....
When I got to Fogs, almost the first thing he said to me was, "I'm dissapointed you've brought some cider." I was perturbed. Another cider can only be a good thing when we're trying to drink as many as possible. More to the point, I had never expected to hear Fog say that sentence under any circumstances. Fog, dissapointed to see more cider? It seems to go against the very essence of Fogginess. "I might tell you why later," he said, smirking.
Then he produced the first cider, handing me and Emma a clear glass bottle each. "These were on a deal when you buy two, so I got four so Ceri could have one but..." Click! We heard the click of a lock turning and the front door was pushed open, someone started to make their way up the stairs. With perfect timing, Ceri had arrived home to claim his cider, just before Fog could complain he wasn't in again.
Since his no show at the pub the other day you may have noticed that Ceri has been notable by his absence from this blog. He's been staying in or else spending time with his girlfriend, the traitor. To be honest, I've been dissapointed in him. Now however, I was impressed with his enthusiasm and seriousness. He found himself a small notebook and pen and made a note of each of the ciders Fog and I had tried without him. Then he strapped the pen to the notebook with a red elastic band so that he could carry it with him at all times and tick each cider off as he goes. While he was doing all this the four of us cracked on with the first cider of the evening.
12. Frome Valley Henney's
The first thing that caught my eye about this cider was the word Frome. My housemate Matt is from somewhere called Frome but I'm not sure if the Frome Valley is in Frome or if they're two entirely different places. I will have to ask him next time I see him. Either way this cider is delicious. It's six percent but doesn't taste strong, and it's lightly sparkling without being gassy. You could swig the stuff like it was apple juice. In fact we pretty much did swig it like apple juice, taking no time in polishing off our bottles. Ceri even suggested he might be able to down it in one with a bottle bong, something he can't do with gassier ciders like Strongbow. When me, Fog and Ceri expressed our delight at the flavour Emma said that she preffered the taste of more mainstream, mass produced ciders, saying this had more of a vintage cider taste but she probably finished her bottle of Henney's quicker than any of us.
Afterwards Ceri impressed me again by pouring himself the rest of the Golden Valley Dry cider that had been sat going flat for several days in Fog and Ceri's living room. "That is horrible, it's actually making me feel sick," he informed us. Not suprising really. "Why," he wondered out loud, "Did we have to have the nicest cider first?" Then Fog, returning from the kitchen with a large plastic bottle, explained his earlier dissapointment.
"I was hoping you wouldn't bring any cider with you today, so I could punish you by making you drink this. He showed me the bottle. Two litres of Sainsbury's basics cider. I think he was hoping for mild alarm at the sight of this presumably nasty, dirt cheap cider but I was strangely pleased. "I've never seen anyone look so excited about something with the words, 'Sainsburys Basics' on it." Ceri informed me.
My first thought was to do a price comparison. "My cider cost £1.75 for two litres, yours?"
"£1.20." That was that. The cider I had expected to be the cheapest in our entire challenge had been superceded the very same evening by Fog's basics cider. We decided to save the cheapest until last.
13. Woodgate Dry Cider
I raised my pint glass to my lips and before I could taste it discovered to my alarm that it smelt pretty horrible. luckily it didn't taste too bad. It was very mild. Fog complained immediately that it was so bland you could hardly taste it but I was just relieved it didn't taste as nasty as its scent might indicate.
While we drank this one I explained to Fog the rules of Edward Ciderhands. His immediate response was to ask how you would go to the toilet. This reassured me somewhat. Good to know that this is the natural reaction and not just me suffering from some sort of weird bladder fixation. Emma suggested that you could get someone else to help you with unzipping your fly etc. I pointed out that I didn't know anyone who would want to assist me in that way. Actually, I think I'm quite glad that I don't know anyone that would want to perform such a demeaning task for my benifit.
Ceri came up with a slightly better solution. "It's all about how you dress," he said.
"Incontinence pants?" I asked.
"No, what you do is, you go commando and you wear some sort of elasticated jogging trousers or lounging pants that you can just pull down using your wrists. Then you can sit on the toilet as well, so you don't have to worry about aim." For a moment we thought that the problem was solved, until I pointed out that once you had taken your trousers down, they'd be tricky to pull back up again.
"Trust me," Fog said, "you may not know anyone who wants to help you go for a piss but if you came in here with your trousers round your ankles and your cock out someone would pull them back up again."
14. Sainsburys Basics Cider
Some first reactions:-
Me-"That's not pleasant."
Fog-"Urgh!!!"
Ceri-"I have to say, that cider is horrendous."
It was strange. This cider didn't smell as bad as the Woodgate cider had done but it tasted much worse. On the other hand, it left basically no aftertaste. You could take a swig and a few seconds later you would find it hard to believe you had been drinking anything stronger than water. You could actually use the stuff as a palate cleanser.
By this point we were all beginning to feel a bit tired and it was time for me to head home, with three more ciders under our belts it had been a productive evening.
Secondly, Emma was miffed that I credited Fog with the word, 'Pider,' as an abbreviation for pear cider. "He wouldn't even know that word if it wasn't for me. He only learned it earlier that same day when I told him." Personally, I don't think it's a good enough word to bother fighting over the credit but I'm happy to correct myself and say that Fog didn't come up with the word, he learned it from Emma. Now, back to the cider...
I was on my way home from work and on my way to Fog's house for more cider drinking when I was struck by a dilemma. Fog had told me that he had picked up two different ciders in Sainsburys. Two ciders would be plenty to keep our ratio up and I hadn't bothered with getting hold of any myself. Then I remembered the fuss I made about Fog not getting any new ciders in only a few days ago. That had led to the regrettable White Star drinking.
It seemed like a good idea to make sure I didn't give Fog an excuse to make me drink something awful. So I really did think I should pick up a cider of some description. On the other hand, I didn't have a whole lot of money in my pockets and I wanted to keep enough back to buy something to eat later on.
Then I passed Lidl and remembered something that Psychics Dave had told me the day before. Lidl do a cider called Woodgate Dry that costs just £1.75 for two litres. What a stroke of luck, this cider was ideal for my purposes. Plus, at that price it would surely be the best value cider by volume that we could possibly find, maybe for the entire challenge....
When I got to Fogs, almost the first thing he said to me was, "I'm dissapointed you've brought some cider." I was perturbed. Another cider can only be a good thing when we're trying to drink as many as possible. More to the point, I had never expected to hear Fog say that sentence under any circumstances. Fog, dissapointed to see more cider? It seems to go against the very essence of Fogginess. "I might tell you why later," he said, smirking.
Then he produced the first cider, handing me and Emma a clear glass bottle each. "These were on a deal when you buy two, so I got four so Ceri could have one but..." Click! We heard the click of a lock turning and the front door was pushed open, someone started to make their way up the stairs. With perfect timing, Ceri had arrived home to claim his cider, just before Fog could complain he wasn't in again.
Since his no show at the pub the other day you may have noticed that Ceri has been notable by his absence from this blog. He's been staying in or else spending time with his girlfriend, the traitor. To be honest, I've been dissapointed in him. Now however, I was impressed with his enthusiasm and seriousness. He found himself a small notebook and pen and made a note of each of the ciders Fog and I had tried without him. Then he strapped the pen to the notebook with a red elastic band so that he could carry it with him at all times and tick each cider off as he goes. While he was doing all this the four of us cracked on with the first cider of the evening.
12. Frome Valley Henney's
The first thing that caught my eye about this cider was the word Frome. My housemate Matt is from somewhere called Frome but I'm not sure if the Frome Valley is in Frome or if they're two entirely different places. I will have to ask him next time I see him. Either way this cider is delicious. It's six percent but doesn't taste strong, and it's lightly sparkling without being gassy. You could swig the stuff like it was apple juice. In fact we pretty much did swig it like apple juice, taking no time in polishing off our bottles. Ceri even suggested he might be able to down it in one with a bottle bong, something he can't do with gassier ciders like Strongbow. When me, Fog and Ceri expressed our delight at the flavour Emma said that she preffered the taste of more mainstream, mass produced ciders, saying this had more of a vintage cider taste but she probably finished her bottle of Henney's quicker than any of us.
Afterwards Ceri impressed me again by pouring himself the rest of the Golden Valley Dry cider that had been sat going flat for several days in Fog and Ceri's living room. "That is horrible, it's actually making me feel sick," he informed us. Not suprising really. "Why," he wondered out loud, "Did we have to have the nicest cider first?" Then Fog, returning from the kitchen with a large plastic bottle, explained his earlier dissapointment.
"I was hoping you wouldn't bring any cider with you today, so I could punish you by making you drink this. He showed me the bottle. Two litres of Sainsbury's basics cider. I think he was hoping for mild alarm at the sight of this presumably nasty, dirt cheap cider but I was strangely pleased. "I've never seen anyone look so excited about something with the words, 'Sainsburys Basics' on it." Ceri informed me.
My first thought was to do a price comparison. "My cider cost £1.75 for two litres, yours?"
"£1.20." That was that. The cider I had expected to be the cheapest in our entire challenge had been superceded the very same evening by Fog's basics cider. We decided to save the cheapest until last.
13. Woodgate Dry Cider
I raised my pint glass to my lips and before I could taste it discovered to my alarm that it smelt pretty horrible. luckily it didn't taste too bad. It was very mild. Fog complained immediately that it was so bland you could hardly taste it but I was just relieved it didn't taste as nasty as its scent might indicate.
While we drank this one I explained to Fog the rules of Edward Ciderhands. His immediate response was to ask how you would go to the toilet. This reassured me somewhat. Good to know that this is the natural reaction and not just me suffering from some sort of weird bladder fixation. Emma suggested that you could get someone else to help you with unzipping your fly etc. I pointed out that I didn't know anyone who would want to assist me in that way. Actually, I think I'm quite glad that I don't know anyone that would want to perform such a demeaning task for my benifit.
Ceri came up with a slightly better solution. "It's all about how you dress," he said.
"Incontinence pants?" I asked.
"No, what you do is, you go commando and you wear some sort of elasticated jogging trousers or lounging pants that you can just pull down using your wrists. Then you can sit on the toilet as well, so you don't have to worry about aim." For a moment we thought that the problem was solved, until I pointed out that once you had taken your trousers down, they'd be tricky to pull back up again.
"Trust me," Fog said, "you may not know anyone who wants to help you go for a piss but if you came in here with your trousers round your ankles and your cock out someone would pull them back up again."
14. Sainsburys Basics Cider
Some first reactions:-
Me-"That's not pleasant."
Fog-"Urgh!!!"
Ceri-"I have to say, that cider is horrendous."
It was strange. This cider didn't smell as bad as the Woodgate cider had done but it tasted much worse. On the other hand, it left basically no aftertaste. You could take a swig and a few seconds later you would find it hard to believe you had been drinking anything stronger than water. You could actually use the stuff as a palate cleanser.
By this point we were all beginning to feel a bit tired and it was time for me to head home, with three more ciders under our belts it had been a productive evening.
posted by Chris Chopping @ 2:25 AM
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